Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
