At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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