He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize