I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
