Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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