after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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