i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
worst night to have a conscience
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
