her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
