I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
