Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
