Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
