he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
