This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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