she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
