I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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