the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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