friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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