I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
