I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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