I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
