At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
