escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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