I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
