I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
