Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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