if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize