my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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