i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
