Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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