The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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