I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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