Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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