i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize