im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
