My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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