The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
