I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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