I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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