A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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