I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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