i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
