I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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