Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
