You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
