I feel great
I just peed on a car
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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