It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize