Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
