True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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