"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
