Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
