Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
