apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
