last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize