So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
