The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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