I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
