Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
