what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Still dying that you shit outside
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
