The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
