My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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