Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
