I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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