So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
