My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
