i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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