Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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