Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
