whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
