I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
