Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
