they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love having hate sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
