Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
