her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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