Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
