I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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