don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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