Jerry, you need to find god
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
