i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
