Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
