I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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