Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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