My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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