I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ok first of all what the fuck
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