You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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