I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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