He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
