Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
