Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
