I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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