we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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