Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just pee around me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize