Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
