I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
