Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
