if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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