umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
