Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
