how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
