I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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