i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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