wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
