A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize