I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
