Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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