Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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