Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
