my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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