you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sext me about skeletons
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
