this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
